Well, I’m not going to lie to you. There’s a good chance that you are your only supporter and indeed no one supports you. Or for sure you are the only one you can count on. But sometimes you lack the energy and drive: you’re just exhausted. I know.
In this article we’re not going to answer the question: “why does no one support you?” That’s not going to bring you closer to answering the question in the title.
When you need some support, you’re in one of two situations: either you’ve got some energy left or not. If there’s some battery left in you, with the right drive you can keep pushing forward for a while and either recharge in parallel or build up additional support. If you’re out of battery, you need an… external battery: support from others.
Case 1: I have some battery left
Try to understand this: if you’re on low battery and consume resources at the same pace, whether you are recharging or not, there’s a good chance you’ll shut down. Call it burnout, emotional exhaustion, breakdown, whatever. So, first thing would be to slow down. Stop focusing on five things at once, pick the most important one and allow yourself to recharge.
I also recommend becoming aware of the sunk cost effect, about which you can read here.
Techniques to use during recharging:
1. Journaling. This will get you in touch with yourself. You can’t afford to lose that. You must stay in touch with your feelings. Ignoring how you feel is a straight walk into depression.
2. Introspection (done by yourself in complete silence). You do this to achieve clarity and enhance your drive. You need 100% clarity on why you are doing something.
3. Simplify. Don’t overengineer what you’re trying to achieve. Build-up in small increments. Do something everyday and if all you can add today towards your goal is 1% or 0.1%, that’s fine. It is the way it is. Not everyday will be a 0.1% day. It can’t be. But compared to 0%, it’s a step closer to your goal.
4. Make sure you actually recharge. I don’t know what this activity is for You. It could be sleep, playing with your dog, spending time with familly. Whatever it is, make sure you do it. Sleep is a must.
Case 2: I am out of energy
Sometimes it can be really hard on your own. I know. There’s a good chance there are people around you. Good people, special people and you reject them. Find out why some people don’t accept help, here. Nonetheless, you may have rejected some people that came to you with an open heart. Maybe you can still fix it, maybe you can’t.
If however you are out of energy and want that external support, but there just isn’t any helping hand around, you will have to build it.
5 steps to build external suppport
- Ask for help, explicitly. People don’t know what you’re going through if you’re not saying anything. And no, they “shouldn’t” see it on their own. You have to speak up and ask for help. That help can be someone that is listening to you. It doesn’t have to be the same person every time. Steps: pick up the phone, call a friend and say: “hey, I’m in a bad place right now, I need someone to talk to”. And if that person is busy, call someone else.
- Go to therapy. Downside is that your therapist will be there once a week at best. It’s a long term solution, but may not be an immediate help.
- Ask for help from someone who you know went through that exact situation or a very similar one. You don’t have to be close friends. People will relate and will understand your struggle. Those that succeed in getting out of difficult situations would love to see others succeed as well. Trust me.
- Ask for support from someone who should return the favour. We’ve explained some time ago that favours do expire. On the other hand people love to reciprocate received help. Give it a go. God forbid, you might end up as friends. This should also make you think about “paying it forward”. You never know when you’ll need some help in return.
- Get a support group. Be careful with this one however.
A few words on support groups
If we’re talking about a support group made of professionals in the same area, it’s one thing. Emotional support groups are a whole different thing. I will explain. If you are a freelancer or an entrepreneur and you ask for support or ideas in a dedicated group where people face the same issues, you might get a solution. BUT, if you need support for your depression and get into a group that has no guidance and where people just complain and share their pain, it will just consume you further. For sure you will feel understood, but you might not get a solution to your problem.
So, if you’re struggling with an emotional problem, reach out even to an online group, but one moderated by professional psychotherapists (not alternative therapists, breathing therapists or you-name-it other sort of therapists) that can actually help.
One last trick when no one supports you
Last, but not least and this is not a joke: do sports. What? I’m out of battery and this guy is telling me to do sports? YES! But not any sort of sports, either cardio or calisthenics. They can literally make you feel better. It has to do with the release of endorphins which are you own body’s painkillers and with enhanced blood flow to the brain and oxygen. So there is a scientific explanation to it. I didn’t say go to the gym, just do it: indoors, outdoors, 1h max. Do what you can.
If you do want to look into the root cause of why no one supports you, remember and (read) this: learn to treat right the people you care about!
If you have enjoyed reading this or know someone who needs to hear all this, please go ahead and share it with your friends. Thank you!
