A man needs to be responsible and protective of his familly. A leader is responsible for the whole tribe. How much responsibility can you take? Everybody wants to be an alpha, but without taking over responsibility. Nowadays we talk a lot about rights and too little about duty. Rights are about entitlement and taking, duties are about giving and supporting.
Too many articles and magazines promote the image of an alpha as a powerful, dominant figure, strong, making unquestionable decisions and defeating any challengers. But, across the animal kingdom, man included, the alpha, the leader, does two more things: solves conflicts and provides a larger site for feeding.
Responsible for what, exactly?
In the animal kingdom things are straightforward: the leader provides food and physical security. But what about the human tribe? For humans, security is more complex. Of course, physical security is important and that translates to living in a decent neighbourhood, having a roof over your head, etc. On top of that, as humans, we look for emotional security. That comes from trust and loyalty.
Material security and “enhancing the feeding site” come from promoting your close people, enhancing opportunities for them, putting them in the spotlight. In a functional tribe, based on trust and loyalty, members give the same thing back. Members are empowered to act. In a business context, that translates to business growth.
Let’s leave aside for a while the matter of tribes and societies and embrace the responsibility of our own “familly”. I’ve used the quotation marks because I’m not talking about familly in terms of blood relatives, but rather our extended familly – the ones we choose to keep around us.
How to be responsible, step by step
- While I support equal partnership in a relation, I consider a man needs to step up and display reliability, trust and provide emotional security. None of this is given by muscles or gifting expensive items. It’s not about what you get in return either, nor about being naive. It’s not about giving everything and receiving nothing. It’s about leading by example. As a person, you maintain your integrity even if you’re miles away from home or if there’s no one around to see you.
- Being responsible starts with being present. Showing up. When is one perceived as reliable? When he shows up, keeps his word, does what he said he’ll do, gets the job done as promised. All that, repeatedly.
- You show up and display self-control in any situation. We all have dark sides and as an adult you should be aware of the darker traits of your personality and be able to control them. It’s important to have self-control because once you are seen as a leader, you will be challenged. It’s unavoidable.
- Own your mistakes and decisions and don’t complain. You’ve made a wrong decision, you fix it. You’ve done something wrong, you fix it.
- Stick to your goals. Be persistent. If you are successful, distractors will show up. Temptations, luxury, leisure activities. If you are easily distracted, you’re not reliable. You should keep a good balance between work / focus and relaxation, but balance can be easily disrupted.
- When you notice a problem, you address it. Whether that means pointing out in plain language an issue or getting your hands dirty to fix something, you just do it.
- Be responsible with your partner, with your familly, with your friends. If you feel like you’re mastering this game, feel free to step up and lead more.
How to be responsible for a group / team / tribe ?
Being responsible for a larger group means exactly what it means to be responsible in a couple or a familly:
- you show up and you are reliable.
- your people trust You and your integrity. They know you act in the group’s best interest and you would not deceive the group.
- you extend “the feeding ground”, even if that’s work behind the scenes, not seen by everyone.
- you own your decisions: good or bad. Ownership means you’re not blaming anyone else and at the same time you’re doing something to fix things if you screwed up.
- keep your focus. Don’t be easily derailed by temptations.
Man up!
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